Compelling, final part 3

Monday slowly comes. I go back to the clinic. They check for a heart beat first this time. Yes, it is still strong. This time I am again seeing a completely different doctor. For some reason the entire Kaiser system had crashed over the weekend and they had no record of me from the last week nor did they have records of any of my blood work to compare to. I was still having symptoms but there was indeed a heart beat. The word was the same, take it easy. We will check you in a week. There isn't anything we can do for you accept watch and wait. If this pregnancy fails, it will be a miscarriage. We wont treat you for pre-term labor and delivery until 20 weeks as that is when you will have a viable baby.

I continue to try to wrap my mind around the lack of acknowledgment of the child growing inside me. I am so aware of this precious little boy who I can't help but be in love with.

This pattern of managing my symptoms and waiting for the 20 week mark continues. People from church are amazing to come by, to bring dinners and to visit with me. Being the active person I am, it was painful to be home in my house and still for days. Kaytlynn was 2.5 years old and not sure what to do with me. We read a lot of books. I read my bible and trusted that God had a plan. I really had peace that it was going to be okay, one way or the other.

At the 20 week mark I finally was sent to St. V's to the Perinatology dept. I saw a new doctor as I was officially "with child". The high quality of their ultra sound equipment was finally able to show us what was happening inside. The doctor again did not understand how I had lasted this long. How I remained pregnant. I was bleeding internally above my uterus. The blood was running down through the layers of my uterus and then ultimately dumping in the bottom of my uterus which cause a hematoma. My placenta was also separating, but that was minor in comparison. Sorry about the graphics, not sure how to explain what was going on. The specialist told me there was no way the baby was going to make it with my body actively hemorrhaging. Complete bed rest and come back in a week. This continued week after week. She was always so surprised to see me. Harrison continued to grow. It was as if God was holding him in his hand because my body certainly was not.

I can remember at Christmas time I begged to be able to leave the house. Can I go in a wheelchair? I just wanted Shane to push me through the mall on Saturday and then be able to go to church. How I missed being at church.

He called the doctors office and I received permission, Shane borrowed a wheel chair from my Grandma Almeda and to my delight, our trip was scheduled. I had no idea what anxiety would come for me being wheeled down the busy mall during the very crowded Christmas season. Shane went faster than I was comfortable with, which felt to me like we were nearly bumping into everything and everyone. I got the strangest stairs from people to see this young woman in the chair. No one would smile or talk to me. I might as well have been terribly contagious! They crowed and cut in front of me instead of trying to make room. I really couldn't take it. After just a short while, I asked to go home. I was frustrated with myself and frustrated with the lack of kindness by the people at the mall. I was tired from holding on for dear life!

Going to church was an entirely different experience. I was so thankful to see my friends. Really my family. To my surprise there was a guest speaker that week. Pastor Glen Cole. No one would have known the significance for me. See, Pastor Cole was the pastor in my home church in Olympia, Washington 30 years earlier. He introduced my parents and my grandparents to Jesus. He mentored them and ultimately I felt my upbringing in the faith was credited to him! What are the odds? Not likely. I hadn't seen him for 15 to 20 plus years. After the service, Shane wheeled me to the front for him to pray for me. When I reminded him who I was as a child and who my family was, he remembered immediately. He was so kind and encouraging. He reminded me of my spiritual heritage and how much God loved me. He prayed for my little boy and told me it was going to be okay. Wow. That was a moment I will never forget.

Well that was my last trip out of the house. From whomever I had received permission from, my specialist doctor said that I should not have been allowed out and that I was to remain house bound and more completely on bed rest. When I reflected on the chances of that particular Sunday and that particular pastor and him praying for me, I was so very thankful to God for his encouragement to me...his personal encouragement to me, that only I would have known about the significance of this man God sent.

As the weeks went by slowly, my symptoms did not change. The weekly ultrasounds occurred as did my visits with the perinatologist. The only change was their opinion of the baby making it if he was born that week. Each week they told me of the unique birth defects or brain damage he would likely suffer if he was born during that next week.

Finally, at 38 weeks, I went to my regular appointment and my body was completely healed. The doctor was amazed and confused. The active bleed had stopped, the uterus walls appeared to be connected back together and the hematoma was gone. All at once, from the week before.

It was like God was saying, I can protect him despite the storm and I can take the storm away. I Am God and my will be done.

To further make his point, after being treated for pre-term labor and delivery all of these weeks and months, they induced me at 40 weeks. Harrison did turn his head to the side and they ended up delivering him via C-section. He was a perfectly, beautiful healthy baby.

So as for that sweet box of blue baby clothes? Well, they are now all washed up and ready to go to ET. I will remember the grace and the protection that God had for my child when I had no control of my circumstances. When the clothes are given for Ethiopian babies in orphanages or in the dump, I will be comforted by the fact that I still have no control but absolutely God does even through the storm.