Compelling, part 2

So at just 10 weeks of pregnancy, I knew something was wrong. I had been taking a walk pushing Kaytlynn in the stroller and began to feel the trickle. I made it home, cleaned myself up and called the doctor. Into the clinic and then after the ultrasound, the doctor said everything looked fine. She told me that it was unusual to see this early but she was very confident we were having a boy! The excitement was muted by...take it easy and be careful. You cant bleed like this any length of time or your baby probably wont make it.

Just a couple of days later on a Friday, something changed in me. I began to gush. It frightened me terribly and I rushed myself to the clinic again. For some reason my doctor wasn't there and another Dr. was filling in. She could clearly see that something wasn't right. After examining me, she showed me a sample and said that what she had was a portion of fetal tissue and I was passing my fetus. She was going to have me do blood work so she could track the hormone levels and I would have to come back on Monday for a D&C as well as more blood work to compare to. She left for a moment and then came back. I was trying to be strong but I could feel the warmth in my body rising. Tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't speak. She looked at me with irritation and confusion. She questioned me " are you upset?" I said, "Well yes, we are talking about my baby". At that moment she began to try to explain away my fetus. She told me that because I wasn't 12 weeks along, it wasn't really a baby anyway and I could always try again. I was dumbfounded. I know many people are of that opinion but to tell that to me in my moment of loss was painful.

I left that afternoon with great sadness. Upon returning home, I continued to gush. I was managing my symptoms and still in so much shock. I believe it was later that night when I called a much wiser friend of mine who had medical experience. She suggested that I could die from my symptoms and I really needed to go back to the hospital so they could monitor me. She suggested I go directly to the ER.

The ER was very concerned for me and was glad that I had made the decision to come in. They were not comfortable with my levels and wanted to monitor me. They realized immediately that my symptoms were extreme. The doctor was much more gentle and empathized with my sadness. At some point during the examination, he checked my belly with the stethoscope. He heard a heartbeat! Remember, the last physician had shown me a piece of fetal tissue. The doctor was rather shocked and then told me that even if there was a chance the baby was still alive, by Monday he would pass as he wouldn't be able to handle the stress of the condition of my body bleeding.

At least one of the pastors from our church Horizon Community Church in Tualatin, came by to pray with me and to be with me. I went home that night with instructions of complete bed rest and to check in with my doctor on Monday. TBC